[ Quotes ]
All our lives we search for someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance the song of heartbreak and hope all the while,wondering if somewhere,somehow there is someone searching for us.
~~~
Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.
~~~
Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.
~~~
Friday, September 29, 2006
xx 10:42 AM xx
does it make sense? that u're selfish by being selfless? every night i face this question and concluded, it does make sense.
i can't really explain why.. it's tough to.. i've just tried my hardest.. like hell.. i never worked so hard on something b4.. not on netball nor studies.. however it's not enough.. i try to be selfless.. but i guess i'm just not nice as a person.. cause i have to TRY... some ple think that if someone has to try to be nice, isn't nice.. if one is nice, no trying is needed. the question is: how nice can a person get?
to follow this theory, only god is nice. well.. "nice"'s definition is according to individuals.. to me, it isn't just god. those who try to be nice have the intention and put in efforts to even try. doesn't that tell u abt them? isn't that enough proof that they are nice? really, wth is nice?.. ple can try to be but fail.. afterall, everyone has his/her own limit. IT IS HIS/HER LIMIT.. NOT TO THOSE WHO JUDGE.
i dunno.. human relationships are the cause of ALL evil. not the love for money. my dad says all religions are good, it's the ple who make them bad.
i believe, so definitely, that everyone's selfish. it's how much this person is willing to try tht counts. initially, person A may be more selfish than B. but A tries harder to be selfless than B. as a result, their selfish-ness are on the same level. who shall take the credit?
how abt if A tries harder than B but still fails to be as selfless as B? who deserves the credit???
i know.. this isn't a math formula. n i guess there's no right or wrong.. just opinions.
i wish i can solve this easily jus like an easy math ques. i wish.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
xx 6:43 PM xx
this really sucks
jus realised i got another assignment due in two weeks on top of 2.. so it's accounting, statistics and econs. tmd. tmd tmd!!.. i've looked through everything.. n i have absolutely no clue how to do any of them.. i'm really damn sick of this.. there's at least 1 assignment every 2 wks.. sucks cuz its like essays form and require researches.. really damn tiring.. and i'm taking commerce leh.. not arts or law that type of subjects.. not that i dun expect essays.. but so MANY? this is uni man! isn't it supposed to be chill stage? blech.. hate this.
argghhhhh.. it's so bloody demoralising.. i dun even know what's going on!!!!!!! i dun understand a shit. need a lot of guidance.. but from whom?
xx 5:13 PM xx
i was losing myself to somebody else
but now i see
i don't wanna pretend so this is the end
of you and me
cuz the gal
that u want
she was tearing us apart
cuz she's everything i'm not - The Veronicas, Everything I'm not.
xx 2:34 PM xx
wish i cl be like some ple who are constantly able to post up pics on their blogs.. which I CAN DO SOON! when my first digicam arrives next wk! WHOOOT.
MAN... this week has been a sporty wk..
mon: badminton
tus: tennis
wed: tennis+ basketball
thurs/tday: tmd study.
hopefully fri: badminton.
feels gd to be able to play some games.. n found some frens to play them w/. yay.
oks..
Fang's back home. guess not the best time to be home cuz everyone's cramming.. but still.. so lucky.. blech..haha ok la.. i shan't keep complaining.. it's nice jus spending time w frens outside sch hours.. i'm ver satisfied jus kinda miss home.. i'm glad my mum, bro and nanny are coming next wk! won't have to face being alone at night anymore.. yes, gerry is a scady-cat. so big size for wat... no use..
yay! i get a lil insy bit of happiness when i add new songs into "my" ipod.. cheap thrill.. haha.. yes i'm this deprived.. i have to find joy in lil lil things.. mayb this is wad we all shld do.. hmm
OKAY.. tmd... back to work.
Monday, September 25, 2006
xx 9:09 PM xx
i'm surrounded by a million so-called friends
and i dun even know their names. - Lonely by Shannon Noll
Sunday, September 24, 2006
xx 11:12 PM xx
okays. today seemed REALLY long. haha
went church. ate crazy large portion of mee goreng. went DFO AGAIN haha n bought nothing. went to play with pepper(go see ul's blog). went to shan's place to chat. made a LOT of parking mistakes. came home w ul n pepper. n here now.
tmr. wake up at 8orso. play 2hrs of badminton w justin. study in lib (<- HAHA mayb not).
right now: ul's on the couch. i'm on the matress. pepper is slping on the same matress. so damn adorable.
wat i feel like doing now: rest for awhile and then go for drinking games. but nah... not doing that. mayb another day. i shld enjoy my freedom here to the fullest while my mom's in sg.. heh.. but i've been at home so often. sigh.... shitttyy...
things are cooolll...
Friday, September 22, 2006
xx 4:00 PM xx
HOKAY.
went to DFO.. again.. i'm getting pretty sick of that place. went at like 10ish am.. then sent my cousin off.. yay.. bought 2 pairs of jeans from grab, 50 bucks each. so good buy..
anyway, shan, ul and shee.. if u guys wanna go dfo this wkend, tell me k.. paid toll already..
my double chin's really obvious now.. like just a slight tilt and can see fats gathering. smacks head. soon i'll be cycling to school.. so it's ok.. hopefully i'll lose some wt b4 i return in nov/dec.
i don't want holidays to end!!!!!!! now i'm in uni, i can't wait to work.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
xx 5:28 PM xx
MAN.. i'm so bored.. i know i'm supposed to study n all.. cuz 2 essays are due soon.. but dam sian la.. its the holidays anyway.. so i really hate alone time.. hate to have the chance to think.. it's cool if u have more time for urself n all.. a sure thing once u step into melbourne.. but this is too much. rather b filled with activities n netball n more specific type of work... i think i would have died in ac anyway. that'll b the other extreme.. gosh.. am i hard to please! sigh.. wat can i do tht's not expensive but meaningful and gives a sense of accomplishment?
wait. wat can i do that's simply happy?
hate to keep lamenting and going crazy every day or nite.. guess i AM pmsing.. or is smth really wrong? is god punishing me? is he vengeful? u know.. if god made tings clearer, he will have a whole lot more followers. i'm not saying anything.. jus confused. as always.
i don't understand those people who have endless faith.. ok, mayb its hard to tell.. but their stamina. man! admirable.
n discovering someone i cldn't care less heard of my deep secret erks me.. discovering a GOOD fren told him that makes me murderous.
xx 5:20 PM xx
cant stand big mouths.. argh.. hate how frens can be so gross!!
ARGHHHH... hate bitches.
xx 2:17 AM xx
='(''''''''
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
xx 9:22 AM xx
sucks wen u wake up with dry throat and bleeding lips.
man.. went to pump petrol yest... didnt know where the lever was to open the lil 'door' to insert the pump.. walao. n it was like kinda raining.. so this nice lady came to help find.. even then it took some time. haha. then when i was pumping the petrol in.. the thingamajig kept clicking.. then that lady's bf told me its because of the air in it.. so must move the pump around, like move it in n out (gosh... sounds like sex).. yea.. haha.. ple in melbourne are damn nice la... my cousin was freezing la..haha.. she wanted to run into the counter there asap..
ok.. shows i'm this dumb with petrol pumping.. (goodness.. just replace that p with an h).. ANYWAY..
haaha die ar... shan y u study so hard. i'm so pressured. die ar die ar..
me: daddy.. i wanna come home.. can?
dad: CAN...
me: REALLY?
dad: in DECEMBER loh..
me: -.-"""
"it's easy to be a father, but it takes a lot to be a daddy".. cool eh
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
xx 12:04 PM xx
okays.
so i rejected the offer. i'm not playing for this season. it started abt 4 weeks ago and ends at the end of nov. i missed like 3 games and likely to miss 2-3 games cause of exams and i'm going home in mid-nov. that leaves me paying $300 bucks for abt 7-8 games. therefore, i decided not to. mayb next season which i can fully participate in it or smth. wa lao.. compare to sg la.. pay for sch is like almost free. if play for sg, it's completely free and on top of that, money is given la.. 300 bucks leh.. no joke..
it's holidays now.. for 2 wks.. really wanna head back to sg.. but its not possible.. guess it's good cause i really need to catch up with studies.
i should really do something meaningful, like do some charity or take up some extra lessons be in musically or language, etc.. jus not happy with what i'm doing and wat i have.
haiya... n u jus made things ALOT worse.. dun really wanna talk to u for awhile. u can jus enjoy ur next wk happily while im still stuck here with essays. show some pity. yuck.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
xx 9:35 PM xx
whoooo.. i'm blogging while taking a break from my essay.. i think i really shldn't be so blur next time.. not knowing when my assignments are due and all.. always leave things to last minute.. ain't healthy man..
well.. i just gotta get this done by tomorrow 5pm.. n after that i can relax cuz 2 wks holiday starts. not exactly relax cause i got a damn lot to catch up on. guess i shldn't be so unhappy i cant go back to sg cuz i really need to use the time effectively.
it's SHHEEEENAAA's birthday today. happy birthday dear! ur bdae is like 2 days long la! lucky bitch. haha thanks for being there and all babe.. hugggsss!!!! u're the first person i told my secrets to when i first came melbourne.. and i'm happy it was u!
yupyup.. clubbing tmr.. celebrate her bdae! hope i'll open up and put past happenings behind and just enjoy clubbing again.. fingers cross! hope music will be GD!
okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... taammaadddeee... back to essay!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
xx 11:41 PM xx
Hi all. this is RICKY! my doggie in sg.. his 1 yr old! so bloody cute right? especially from this angle where his head is so big. mmm!!! i'll kill to play with him now! if i cld just find a way to show u guys the video of him swimming in the pool!
HUGS RICKY!
xx 10:38 PM xx
guess i totally screwed my test up again.
u know.. going thru JC isn't really all that bad.. then u wldn't have to struggle like hell at the start of uni.. had a QM1 test.. in other words statistics. like 80% of the MCQ was on confidence level.. the only chapter i didn't study for.. i'm just hoping i get like a 5/25.. on par with my accounting.. can't imagine getting anything lower than 1/5 of the mark for any subject.
i hear ple in jc are like doing all these for As.. so wish i cld.. cuz like the way things are taught in sg is more comprehensive.. i'm used to the teaching style wat.. further more, more spoon fed.. in uni.. u really really hav to do everything urself.. u dun even have a fixed class and frens u can go thru each subject w/.. u're just a blob of shit.. lonely blob of shit. esp when ur in a FOREIGN uni.
but ple coming from JC to melb uni shld hav an easier time la.. considering they've done the things b4..
sigh.. i'm really depressed la. ok.. i guess we have to face failure once in a while right? well.. i haven't really failed in anything.. i've been blessed w many things and talents.. i guess this is the chance for me to just work hard and cease taking things for granted.
='('''
Monday, September 11, 2006
xx 7:19 PM xx
i love eddie! thanks for everything.
FAVOURITES
Colour: blue
Food: now, how do i answer this..
Movie: cellular, anastacia, etc
Sport: netball, soccer, man.. so many!!
Day of the week: friday
Season: definitely summer
Ice-cream: roche, green tea, sesame
CURRENT
Mood: hmm. drained
Taste: expensive
Clothes: er casual. a normal V-neck top, black jacket and over length jeans. cant remember colour of underwear n lazy to check. strips bra.. wat else.. nowhere else that needs support! =D
Desktop: computer table in living room
Toenail colour: really dun giv a damn about vanity.
Time: 7.25pm
Surroundings: living room
Annoyance: man.. so much!!
Best friend: cute fang
Crush: hmm.. that can only be bobby. my you-to-me bear.
Lie: i'm fine
Music: anything i can sing to. love songs, rock, definitely R&B n HIP HOP, several chinese songs, miss miss mg school song.
LASTS
Cigarette: 3rd september, last week
Drink: water... -.-"
Ride: tram ride home abt an hour ago
Crush: LUCKY haha abt 2 yrs ago!
Movie: stormbreaker
Phonecall: honey how xiany wei
CD: DVD can? don't listen to CDs.. i last watched FRIENDS
Classical Songs: what eew?
HAVE YOU EVER
Dated one of ur best friends: no.. don't mind though.. winks to fang
Broken the law: drinking b4 18 is breaking the law right.. ok guilty!
Been arrested: nope. oh yesyes.. by whats-her-name oh! MRS david!
Skinny-dipped: soon soon.
Been on tv: yup.. i was in the movie HONEY? u watched it? yup.. i love dancing. i was the main character.. several people say i'm hot.. but whatever.. u know..
Kissed someone that you don't know: nope
4 things you did today: hmm.. nothign unusual leh.. went to school, picked nose, adjust bra, broke a nail
3 things you can hear right now: Earth and Ashes on TV, my typing, my cough and my adorable brother.
random facts about me: walao eh.. i'm pretty weird.. sometimes i just comment on really random things and my thoughts are damn crazy. sleeping is my recreation, eating is leisure. i'm scared of the dark. so many things!! haha
7 things that scare me: darkness, frens' safety, my atrocious studies, running out of money, talking about what's below the earth, running out of food and no music!
7 random music at the moment: ohh..
without u by clay aiken and kimberly locke
finally found someone by brian adams and barbra streistand (great significance!)
who's the king of the jungle
i believe in a thing called love by the killers
she will be loved by maroon 5
heaven knows by rick price
right here waiting by richard marx
7 things i say most: REALLY AH? OH YAR HOR! OH MY TIAN! WALAOEH! TAMADE! I'm damn fat! what you doing?
7 people to do this: FANG! cuz u cld be MY galfren.. shan! cuz i last with u! Shee and ul! cuz u r my other gal pals here! JUSTIN! cuz i haven't talked to u for the longest time! JBOY! cuz i miss u! and one and only XIAN!
xx 5:39 PM xx
this is sadness =(
i'm =( everyday.
i wanna be home. visit mg. study in ac. play netball. stop regretting and move on. stop fantasizing. appreciate wat i have now. find the meaning in life. do my assignment now. i wanna be happy.
all these i cant have/do. i wanna be in ac. NOW! pout- people are having so much fun. i'm jealous. i really really wanna know at i'm living for. i'm not suicidal.. just confused. what is life abt? we live and die.. so does everyone else. so what?.. guess i'm really just not happy. can't wait to go home in nov/dec. how i wish i was going home this wkend w/ mum and brother. people in ac will likely be playing soccer or smth.. n i can find time to finally visit mg. SIGH.
i really try damn hard to be optimistic.. i'm damn practical. but i realy cant.. really really cant. i tried for the longest time. i jus cant find that happiness. is it god? sigh. lets not go there. i always tell my frens there's a rainbow after the rain. but i cant apply it. i jus hav to be home.
oh ya. i got my license. yay.. it was exciting initially.. not now... i like listening to my AC-songs*.. get me really down but fills me with the AC feeling.
*AC-songs are the songs that remind me of the times there. the songs that were popular or ones that i liked during my stay in AC.
fuck.
xx 2:15 PM xx
when i received 10/15 for my first management assignment.. i was like.. phew i didn't fail n all.. dunno if it's a gd mark.. some say yes.. but i'm not too sure.. but i'm more than satisfied considering i only did it for 1.5 days. like so bloody relieved.
and THEN! i just received my accounting assignment.. i thought i was damn easy to do la.. everyone thought so.. guess wat the average mark across the board is? 17/30!!! that is like tmd.. and guess wat I GOT?!!?! 6.5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
man.. stabs heart. how the hell did my sis do well for accounting? and graduated from it?!
I WANNA DROP ACCOUNTING NOW!
so damn sad la.. i got to finish another assignment by this fri and i got a QM test this wed.. i really really dunno wat QM is abt... and i'm not strong w management as well.. this is bloody miserable. i shan't skip anymore lessons.
SOBSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
Hi all. this is RICKY! my doggie in sg.. his 1 yr old! so bloody cute right? especially from this angle where his head is so big. mmm!!! i'll kill to play with him now! if i cld just find a way to show u guys the video of him swimming in the pool!