[ Quotes ]
All our lives we search for someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance the song of heartbreak and hope all the while,wondering if somewhere,somehow there is someone searching for us.
~~~
Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.
~~~
Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.
~~~
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
xx 10:10 PM xx
now and then i wonder.. has my netball ladder reach a dead end? will i have another chance to climb when i return home? it's not like i'm magnificant.. there are ple who r a lot better.. not too sure if there'll be a space for me in the national team anymore.. actually, i highly doubt so. no proper training for more than a year now.. sigh.. n i'm all fat. ='(
afterall, netball IS the love of my life (goosebumps).. well, we'll see how things go. FINGERS CROSSED.
Monday, October 30, 2006
xx 9:19 PM xx
Some pictures taken when family united!
HAHA
boy band style.. eskimo mummy, siao 2 sis, idiotic me, n er.. normal dad..
boy band style2. ok jus me n 2nd sis. 
in the lift
*faints*
near home
us again..
da jie
fwamily
mmm... parents look normal, 2 sis posing, me.. hmm ok..
acting cool.. -.-"
gross me at kokoblack
xx 12:48 AM xx
WILL AND GRACE FANS!
U MUST GO http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=will+and+grace+season+8 AND WATCH LIVE PREMIERE PART 1, PART 2 AND FINAL PART!!!
freaking hilarious!!
xx 12:48 AM xx
WILL AND GRACE FANS!
U MUST GO http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=will+and+grace+season+8 AND WATCH LIVE PREMIERE PART 1, PART 2 AND FINAL PART!!!
freaking hilarious!!
Sunday, October 29, 2006
xx 10:31 PM xx
mm.. really miss singapore..
i like singapore weather.. i guess even more than melbourne.. its more consistent and i'm so used to it.. so used to train under extreme weathers, rain or shine.. yet still able to enjoy.. guess if u love the sport and the sch u play for, everythin is worth it. lose or win.
now, what got me missing sg so much all of the sudden? i was watching Mr Brown shows. haha.. i guess it's the sight of people of the same kind, the same language used, i.e. singlish., and certain controversies spoken out loud and shared. and i'm currently accompanied by my favourite and memorable songs.
then memories start to rush in. thinking abt my teenage years and how i miss the ones that pass.. n dread the ending of it. sec n jc are the crucial times of one's life, i feel. that's when people grow.. n i miss those times so much. entering new phases of life is really damn sian. cuz letting go of the past ain't easy.. cuz no similar events and replace those memories. i hate to know tht la.. it's always easy to say "life's like that, we've got to move on".. i guess the right way to console one is to say something like, those good times will stay in mind forever, so we've got to look forward and welcome more of such.
yea.. i dun wanna slp.. i think slping is a TOTAL waste of time.. when i go home, i wanna spend one whole night walking.. anywhere... jus walk around singapore.. mayb one time with best friends n one time all by myself.. i wanna soak up the whole of singapore. i know the day-time life, let's experience the night/early morning.
my sisters and dad went back home today =(.. it was so damn funny hanging with my sisters.. i feel so bad cuz my dad's talking less n less cheerful due to stress i think... our family's expenditure is too high.. feel damn bad...
no more school due to exams in less then 2 wks.. stress!! but then again, 3 wks to "HELLO SG!"
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
xx 11:07 AM xx
yay! my family came today. it's rare my whole family is at one place.. some in sg, in melb and one in china.. i was slping when they came home at 6ish am.. my dad n eldest sis were jus standing there looking at me.. think they shook me in some way that made me turn and open my eyes in their direction.. i shouted la!! so damn shocked! hahha! two figures just standing there leh.. then my 2nd sis so weird n silly one.. in the midst of my shock, she walked into my room, said hello! n went into my wardrobe and went ou again.. like -.-"
haha.. yay.. too bad they're leaving this sunday.. damn soon la.. i dun even remb how it felt when we were all together in sg younger.. like we often jus miss each other.. (not miss=xiang nian.. but miss out.).. now it feels better.. cuz we know the feeling of being apart.
okie.. hi good food n new clothes! santa claus is here!!!!!
Monday, October 23, 2006
xx 8:21 PM xx
oh can't u see it baby?
u got me going crazy
where ever u go
whatever u do
i will be right here waiting for u
whatever it takes
or how my heart breaks
i will be right here waiting for u
i wonder how we can survive
this romance
but in the end if i'm with u
i'll take the chance.
- one of my fav songs of all time.
hate to know i got so much to study.. blech.. yet i keep wanting to go out.. like beaching.. even SHOPPING..
it's funny how some ple just join words together conveniently. like "stop cocking" = "stop talking cock". haha!
ms tan, my AC netball coach, once said.. no matter how good u r, there's always someone better.. dunno what effect that's supposed to have on us la.. haha.. but i thought.. ok, if there's always some one better, then there must be some one worse.. similarly, if u r pretty, there's always some one prettier. BUT THERE'S ALWAYS SOME ONE UGLIER. this has been an encouragement so far cuz i'm jus unbelievable and indescribably fat now. HAHA. oks. gerry's self amused again.
Friday, October 20, 2006
xx 10:05 PM xx
i'm feeling increasingly relieve in terms of studies.. i thought i was really behind.. i am kinda.. but it's not as difficult to catch up as i thought.. though i shldn't be in the process of catchin up but instead, i shld be revising, i'm just taking things step by step.. n just try my best. i forgot how it was like studying hard... the last time i REALLY studied for an exam was the first trinity exam last dec.. REALLY study = not last min and more or less organised. the rest of the time in trinity was pretty slack.. of course i studied... but not hard.. n i just depend on my teacher for answers to my exam..haha.. i'm TERRIBLE!
now i see the effects of skipping lessons and leaving things to the last minute.. not a mistake i wanna repeat.
haven't really been talking to the rest for quite a while.. it seldom i see ul anymore cuz diff sch.. my dancing partner shan found another partner!hmph =( haha.. and shee is just skipping lessons like free haha.. blech.. cant wait to beach this sunday.. but dunno if it's on, since everyone's clubbing on sat.. sighhh.. some more exams are coming.. mayb it's just me..
many times problems just lie in me... ar...
tmd..
milene: thanks for taggin babe! yea haha actually i have some family here.. yea it's just the change in environment and being stripped away from our comfort zone... things are jst going very badly for me now.. n i guess looking back doesn't really change the current situation.. and guess ur right man.. we gotta use this opportunity not many ple have to the fullest.. so difficult babeee!! haha.. thanks honey.. yea hope u're doing well.. i dun hav ur no.. hopefully i'll see u soon in sch! =)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
xx 4:34 PM xx
i long to be the happy person i used to be. now i wonder, was that really me? or just some one else?
hmm.. i guess i had my share of happiness, now it's just a bumpy period. life isn't happy all the time right? nor sad? it's not like it's THAT bad now...there are many things i'm thankful for. naming them will take ages. i guess we shld all learn to be contented.. there has to be a balance. i was so joyous in sec sch.. and alright in JC.. now it's just extreme low-ness.
i'm not complaining la.. there's good in every bad thing.. a person and cuz ultimate sadness in ur life.. but also give ultimate care and love. i guess that worth it? hmm.. not too sure..
i guess i gotta stop looking back and compare my state.. my entries in the past were different.. so colourful, holy and care free.. now it's i'm in hel i'm in hell i'm in hell. haha
lost touch with god to a great deal.. cuz of it. mayb because of that sin, everything else has been taken away from me.. is god this vengeful? then he wouldn't be all so perfect right? man, he is confusing.
exams are coming.. i'm not even studying... but trying to catch up. yup.. skipping lessons and result in a whole lot of regret. sigh.. on top of that, i'm worried. i'm not even sure what i wanna do as a career.. this will influence my choice of subjects.. i feel damn lost la..
hmm. what's happening? what's happening?.. i don't even know who to ask. it's pitch black and vacuum. u're all alone.
wonder when i'll snap out of this. i dun feel sorry for myself.. i'm just really upset with the feelings i have.. i shan't name how i feel la.. can affect ple. i'm shutting up myself from ple.. and that ain't their fault. i DO see my mistakes and restrictions on myself.. i know i'm putting a barrier between ple who love me and myself. instead of trying endlessly to open up, can some one reach out a little more? a little more into me and crack my shell?
Monday, October 16, 2006
xx 9:25 AM xx
die ar.. just gaining wt like no one's business since my nanny came. dad n sis coming end of htis month as well.. how to lose wt b4 returning to sg? i'm going to exercise like mad when i go back before anyone sees me!.. haha.. but w wat? there's no netball.. no one is really THAT spontaneous. haiya.. sian man..
shit man.. it's monday. exams are coming in less than a month. dun mind la.. first semester didn't cover a lot.. wanna go home and work. wanna appreciate money more.. don't wanna be so spoiled.
there are times when life jus feel so meaningless.. there aint no goal, no excitement.. just routine. blech.
how can someone be so sensitive emotionally yet so insensitive with words? she's helpless and getting REALLY tired of judgements.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
xx 12:55 AM xx
they can say anything they want to say
try to bring me down
but i will not allow
anyone to succeed, hanging clouds over me.
they can try hard to make me feel that i
don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me
They can do anything they want to you
lf you let them in
But they won't ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See I have learned there's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul
That they cannot possess
So I won't be afraid
And darkness will fade
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
No They can't take this
Precious love l'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go
They can say anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But I won't face the ground I will rise steadily
Sailing out of their reach
Oh Lord They do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me
Friday, October 13, 2006
xx 9:16 AM xx
Chilli does kill food's taste.
i'm fat.. and jboy just loves playing with those under my arms. yay! missed u jboy! finally saw him yesterday cuz i've been missing so many accounting lectures.. the last time i went was prob 3-4 wks ago and there are 2 in one wk. ahha best right? throw daddy's money away.
i got 1000 more words to write for an essay due at 4pm.. normally that takes me a week to write.. ok.. no more dilly dally..
anyway.. it's SO damn hot now.. everyone's just taking our chance to go to the beach la.. but how to cycle to school? i'm going to drive!! heh lazy shit. it's the same or hotter than SG.. at least the wind in sg is cool and nice and yearned for.. but the wind probably make things even worse. thank god i'm not going to face much of summer.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
xx 6:50 PM xx
TAKE ME AWAY!!!
TAKE ME AWAY!!!
I'VE GOT NOTHING LEFT TO SAY!!!
JUST TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GIVE ME A DAMN BREAK.
xx 9:14 AM xx
the thought is so gross. i dreamt of it. ya.. in some sense i do feel a bit betrayed. how can u allow this to happen when u know i dun like it. disappointing.. but it's only right to accept. cuz it doesn't only involve my life anymore. oh wellll....
i'm actually very worried with the condition my studies are. i keep trying to convince myself i have enough time catch up b4 exams.. do i?... i cant even try my best knowing my lazy overrules. blech.
yay.. going beach today.. w ul.. sun tan.. cool la.. go beach on a weekday.. haha.
i'm actually very excited for the J2s.. after As are done, u guys can REALLY fly.. and it's so well deserved. i miss that feeling after the last paper like"YES!!! its over!" well i will feel it after each exam la.. but not the same as Os or As la..
laddeedda... the simpsons are calling me!
Monday, October 09, 2006
xx 3:56 PM xx
MY FAV SONG FOR NOW:
MISSY HIGGINS - THE SPECIAL TWO
I've hardly been outside this room in days,
'cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.
The darkness helps until the whiskey wears away,
And it was then I realize the conscience never fades.
When you're young you have this image of your life:
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,
And if you happen to you wake completely lost.
But I will fight for you, be sure that
I will fight until we're the special two once again.
When we will only need each other, we'd bleed together,
Our hands would not be taught to hold another's,
When we were the special two.
And we could only see each other, we'd bleed together,
These arms will not be taught to need another,
'cause we were the special two.
I remember someone old once said to me that
"lies will lock you up with truth the only key."
I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,
And couldn't see this place would soon become my hell.
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is don't do it in the first place.
I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now,
But I bet if by chance you change your mind you know I will not
Let you down 'cause we were the special two,
and will be again.
And we will only need each other, we'll breathe together,
Our hands will not be taught to need another's,
When we're the special two.
And we could only see each other we'll breathe together,
These arms will not be taught to need another
when we're the special two.
I step outside my mind's eye's for a minute.
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease,
Or something that could ease the pain.
But nothing cures the hurt you bring on by yourself,
Just remembering, just remembering who we were...
Sunday, October 08, 2006
xx 6:12 PM xx
me, ade, eric
yup yummy. yes. yes.
okies. took these pics from ade. the first day krispy kremes opened in the city. we stuffed ourselves la.. n made orgasmic sounds while eating the donuts as we walk pass those waiting in the 45min queue. haha
xx 5:39 PM xx
went clubbing at boulevard yesterday. MAN.. haven't clubbed since 3rd sep.. i can safely say i forgotten how it felt.. therefore yesterday's fun was quite refreshing. danced like siao man.. hope i didn't look tat way.. haha.. anything problems bothering u, jus go club man. get high n go crazy. i spent $60. i think it's the most i've spent on clubbing.. cuz normally we drink b4 clubbing at some one's house or some guy frens who are damn STEADY just treat us. haha.. ok.. cheapskate gerry. i didn't mind spending la.. would have spent more if it wasn't all i had.. but oh well.. jus gotta watch how i spend my cash from now.
i'm so happy la.. cant wait for family to come end of this month.. exams will be approaching tho.. but i miss my family.. =( yay! when daddy comes, we got santa claus here! hehe.. get to eat ex food and shop.. not that i really like shopping but at least i'll feel less guilty but b a lil more careless w cash. man.. am i spoiled.
i wanna have the chance to be adventurous. do sea sports, hike, climb mountains, air sports,etc. i'm those type who wanna try everything in life.. things are eating insects, rabbits, dogs, drink snake's blood, etc.. i also wanna try drugs. don't mind giving rearing animals and farming a shot. MAN.. i'm getting so excited la.. but a lot of things are preventing me from all these time consuming things.. things like insufficient freedom and cash. but i really wanna do EVERYTHING. hmm.. ok i don't really wanna do things like 3some.. pretty random but yea.. ok it may be all fun and all.. but seems damn wrong la.. haha see first la! haha!! cant believe i'm even giving it thoughts. but right now it's a nono.
can't wait to be home in nov. will be home for abt 3mths. wanna work.. i've been really really dying to do something meaningful.. i may like help out with kids or elderly home or smth.. i wanted to since 2 yrs ago la.. still remb talking abt it to sihua.. but arggghhh... nothing accomplished! grrr.. angry w myself..
ok this is prob one of the longER entries of mine.. i think it's because i don't wanna get back to work.. guess blogging is one way of procrastinating. can't wait to club again.. but doubt it.. gotta start studying soon.. GRRR.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
xx 4:22 PM xx
do ple change? i recall many of those chinese in drama had people who changed over time.. and their gf/bf will say "NI PIAN LE" heartbrokenly.. then there are shows with "PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE", "I THOUGHT U CHANGED, BUT U'RE STILL THAT SELFISH OL' SELF".
so i wonder.. do people change or not? well.. afterall, personalities are unchangable but characteristics are. now.. what does that mean? i concluded that people feelings don't change, but their reactions can.. for eg.. if this person is the jealous type, he/she will be forever la, but how this person controls it is a different case la..
hmm.. yea.. guess we're still young n all these friendship or bgr problems are just lessons to control our reactions to our feelings. yea... cool.
ladeeda.. i have bites on my face n i'm cranky over it. hmph.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
xx 1:31 PM xx
Helllooo.......
xx 9:55 AM xx
Man.. i never travel in a lift SO many times before..
yest: (this is lame.. but i dun care haha)
i took lift down to carpark.
lift up from carpark after sch.
lift down to go to beach.
lift up from beach.
lift down for dinner.
lift up to grab smth.
lift down for cont. dinner.
lift up from dinner.
lift down to wipe smth off my car.
lift up cuz took wrong keys.
lift down with right keys.
lift up after cleaning.
lift down to collect krispy kremes from josh.
lift up with happiness in hands.
gosh.. how many ride is that?! 14 times man... that's like half my day!
speaking of krispy kremes.. i'm supposed to b on a diet josh.... but i'm so happy!! he got my fav flavours! all ple at home in sg.. sorry u're missing out on kk!! haha
gosh.. still cant believe i took the lift so many time.. i think i did my exercise for yesterday.
xx 1:06 AM xx
eddie: hey ed.. i do hope there r more ple who care than i think.. i guess i'm jus feeling quite lonely right now.. cuz a specific thing happened to me n i have to go thru it alone.. cuz no one else knows the extent of how i feel to that event. n i jus hate to keep it all to myself cuz imploding is mightily unhealthly.. i guess like u said, i shld open up when i'm ready.. ple around are actually assuring me of their presence n love.. i dunno why i'm like rejecting them... i guess that's my real problem.. knowing that someone cares cheers me up.. but i've got to learn to just open up my feelings to them.. thanks for showing that u care babe.. luv luv luv!!
i just wanna thank those who understands how i feel.. even those who don't.. thanks for just being there for me.. for showing me love when i show myself none. like my frens here.. thanks gals.. fang n xian..n ple n dropping me tags to cheer me up.. plenty of u guys.. n i appreciate each. assure u, i'm going to be fine.. i know i lie that i am all the time (esp to myself).. but i'm sure of it this time.. cuz i'm feeling increasingly special. u guys r the colours in my rainbow.
luv u all.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
xx 1:40 PM xx
it's times like this i like to hide in my lil corner alone n submerge myself in anger and sadness.
i'm so sick of forcing myself to do the right things, to feel the right way. is it because i was a prefect, obliged to always do the right things whether or not i liked it? i'm just so tired of shaping myself into what is ideal. i cant make myself like or stop disliking some one when he/she offended me in some way whether deliberately or not.. just let me feel the way i do.. but i can't.. i can't..
i wonder what ple think when they read my blog.. my world is jus constantly crumbling.. ple r jus getting sick of me always being so upset.. thts y i only do it on my blog.. i wouldn't know who has given up on me.. i dun think i can afford doing it in real life.. i'm so pathetically insecured.. i'm paranoid that ple will drift away as i'm talking.. i hate it when ple reject my seeking of attention. i used to be a huge attention seeker.. well.. i still am.. but i've seen the negative side of it, therefore, i'm jus depriving myself of it.
ok.. i really duno what my pt is.. but i'm just getting more n more unstable emotionally. i'm so scared i'll crash.. so scared my sanity is going.. is it because what happened exactly one month ago? happy 1 month anniversary "bad experience". i think this will last for a long time. i tried.. but i can never get over it. never.
why do i get so angry behind that person.. but in front of him/her i just act normally.. now, there's another reason why i cant be angry. happy trying, gerry.. happy trying.
i really need another outlet.. blogging is one pathetic option.. i'm so so pathetic.
Monday, October 02, 2006
xx 2:56 PM xx
type A - domineering
type B - keen on pleasing
this has been like a discussion nowadays.. like wld u want a type A or B boyfriend/girlfriend.. and there were mixtures of opinions. i guess i'm type B as a friend but type A as a galfren.. n i'm looking for someone who's type A as a fren but B as my boyfren.. some of my frens are looking for the exact somethings in their partners as in themselves. i don't think i can really be in a r/s that fight constantly.. i always wanna WIN! haha.. so he must give in.. i dun care. haha but i like to see my boyfren have guts and be loud spoken while with friends.. which i kinda think leans towards type A.. not that type B ple dun have such characteristics.. i guess i prefer to see his domineering side thru his interaction with friends so to know he can give some extent of security.. just not too domineering while w me.
so funny.. i was just thinking n observing la.. i like guys who r more toned, sporty and all.. but i only see such bonuses in ang mos.. a lot of chinese are, of course, rather short for me.. n on top of that, pretty boney.. hmm.. dun like leh.. i like muscles.. not too much.. but just right..
so what to do? get an ang moh boyfren right? but i feel that they are very physical leh.. i'm nt comfortable with a guy wanting sex on the first date.. or the 10th, etc... ok.. i know it's bloody common now.. but i guess i wish to know for sure before giving it away.. i guess temptation is damn damn powerful and overwhelming some times.. well.. see how long i can last la.. haha
therefore.. i doubt any ang mohs wanna b with me..haha.. =(
i got my exam time table! i get very excited every time exam schedules come out haha..
10th nov Intro microecons
15th Quantitative methods 1
16th Managing ple n organisation
17th Accounting reports n analysis
18th Sweet home SINGAPORE!
*faints*
near home
fwamily
mmm... parents look normal, 2 sis posing, me.. hmm ok..
gross me at kokoblack
me, ade, eric
yup yummy. yes. yes.
